Weddings & funerals: what to say

At weddings, red is the traditional celebratory color, and guests commonly avoid wearing all-white or all-black, which can read as funeral colors. The standard gift is cash in a red envelope (红包), given in an auspicious, even amount that avoids the number 4 — common amounts often include a 6, 8, or 9, though the appropriate range varies a lot by region and how close you are to the couple, so asking a local friend what's typical is genuinely the safest approach. 新婚快乐 ('happy marriage') or 百年好合 ('may you stay together a hundred years') are common well-wishes to say directly to the couple.

Funerals call for close to the opposite palette — white is the traditional mourning color, and mourners commonly wear white or muted, subdued colors rather than bright ones; red is avoided entirely in funeral contexts, including on cards or wrapping given around that time. Cash condolence gifts, when given, traditionally use odd amounts, the reverse convention from festive occasions, though practices vary by region and family. 节哀 ('please restrain your grief,' a standard, respectful condolence) is the safe, simple thing to say — an elaborate speech isn't expected or necessary.

If you're unsure what's expected as a guest at either event — dress code, gift amount, whether children are welcome — it's completely normal to ask a local friend or check the invitation itself rather than guess, since customs vary meaningfully by region, generation, and family tradition.